Mimi Von Boom: Antithetical Heroin/e

I leave with a 3.94 CUM and an MSW!!!

Now all the registration stuff begins - hello, tons of fees.  Ugh.  Gotta love the BBS.

So what if I’m living on Dominos, haven’t showered in two days and am having conversations with the dog?  So what if I wait for the sun to go down to leave my apartment so the neighbors don’t see me?  So what if I have no groceries, need to do laundry and can’t bring myself to do anything despite that I’m not working until the end of the month?  So what?

Graduate school sucks.

Breakups suck.

I’ve double whammy earned it.

Hello, pizza dude?  Yeah, it’s me again… 

:(

I feel like if I even think about a PhD program right now my whole family will hogtie me and send me to inpatient.  Maybe I should just go to the beach today. 

:)

10am - Walk Dog, pick up poo, call all relatives

11am - clean house

11:30pm - get into fight with neighbor because my phone conversation with my parents is too loud (buy a house if you don’t like communal living - sorry)

11:43am - microwave pizza, feed self, pick at cuticles 

My last final EVER is finally done!!!!  I’m ready to celebrate!  By sleeping!  :D

I’m trying desperately to focus on my last final exam.  Ever.  It’s due at 8am (tomorrow).  I’ve been up since 9:30am and the progress I’ve made is seriously embarrassing.  I’m exhausted and find myself caring less and less about it.  I can’t seem to get motivated.  I seriously suck.  I’ve made coffee, ordered chinese food, napped, cleaned the house…putzed about aimlessly…made kissy faces at the dog…and still not motivated.

My legs feel swollen, my eyes are scratchy and I’ve got a huge to do list that I can’t start on until the final final is turned in, but I can’t stop thinking about that list and how much I’m dying to start it.

Ugh.  Graduate School = Puke.

I’ve taken a temporary vow of silence on my blog, because of finals.  FML.

When I first left undergrad I had this issue with not hearing my alarm and sleeping through EVERYTHING.  Everything.  I had a job with a commute each way and consistently was putting in about 10 hour days on top of it.  By the time I got home I was exhausted.  I wasn’t cooking, or eating right, or anything.  Just sleeping like a dead person.  My alarm would go off in the morning and I wouldn’t hear a thing.  I soon started arriving 2 hours late to everything - sleeping through everything - and being miserable when I arrived because of how irresponsible I must seem to everyone.  My performance reviews suffered. I quit my job and found a new one, close to home.  It started to happen again.  I experienced this insane inability to wake up for a little over a year.  I participated in sleep studies.  Ultimately it just went away when I got married.  My alarm still wouldn’t wake me up, but the second my husband touched me and said “your alarm is going off” I’d wake up with a start and jump up, no problem.

After my divorce I experienced some sleep issues but nothing like what happened when I was 23.  Now, however, it’s starting to happen again.  I am unable to wake up.  Like…UNABLE.  It’s frustrating, depressing, anxiety provoking…I’ve spent the last 3 years in graduate school and I’m interviewing for a new job like nobody’s business…but what happens when I get one?  Am I going to sleep through it every day until I get fired?  I know I haven’t had the most stress free experience - my living situation isn’t the most luxurious at the moment and I haven’t been eating right due to time/money constraints and not having a kitchen (that puts a serious damper on healthy meal preparation, to be sure) but I’m getting a little depressed and scared.  I don’t yet have the option to just “go to bed on time” - I’m still wrapping up finals, I’m up till 3am every night writing, I’m exhausted and I haven’t had a vacation in years (even the vacation in your living room kind).  I need a break, I know, but I can’t get one just yet.  

The kicker is my husband’s schedule is opposite mine (remarried now).  He’s up till 6am and doesn’t hear my alarm either.  He sleeps very heavily too, but he has his own business and doesn’t have a supervisor so he has the luxury of setting his own hours.  I’ve asked for his help and sometimes he hears my alarm and saves my ass, other times he sleeps through it.  Ultimately, my inability to wake up isn’t his responsibility anyway, but because our schedules are so opposite I really need an internal solution.

I’m looking for a solution.  If anyone has experienced anything like this and came up with a solution so they could keep going and be successful despite their sleep deprivation and relatively depressed financial situation, please let me in on the secret.  I’m getting desperate.  Other than this, I’m an extremely reliable and dedicated worker, but “this” is huge.  

I wonder if they’ve thought of partnering with pharmaceutical companies.  It seems like a good marriage of trigger/solution.